Flashback
by Lucky6
Summary: Remus reflects on his life after Sirius, or does he? (You may find this story familliar, I had it posted under the penname MouseyGurl, I have stopped using that penname and decided to repost the story)


~Flashback~

"I'll be right back Moony... I'm running to Godrics Hollow to check on James and Lily." Sirius told Remus. 

"Alright, I'll have some tea ready when you get back, love." Remus leaned into Sirius's embrace; somehow knowing something bad was about to happen. 

Everything began to fade and change, he saw Albus looking down at him. 

"What's wrong Albus?" He asked. 

"Remus, I hate to have to tell you this, but I must. Sirius is in Azkaban." 

"What? No, he's at James and Lily's house... He'll be back any minute." Remus stated getting things out for tea. 

"Oh Remus, Sirius was at James and Lily's. He found the place a ruin." Albus stopped as he wiped his eyes, Remus knew something was terribly wrong. Albus never cried. "James and Lily are dead. He found Harry and gave him to Hagrid saying he had to go check on Peter. He found Peter on the muggle side of The Leaky Cauldron. Witnesses say he pulled out his wand and killed Peter, killing 12 muggles in the process." 

Remus collapsed, "No, I don't believe it, I don't." 

"It's true,"

"NO!" 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"NO!" Remus sat up in his bed, panting. 

"It's just a dream, Moony, just a dream." He heard his lover say. 

"I know," he managed to say before crying again. "It was so real though," 

"It's all right," Sirius said, pulling Remus into his embrace, just like he did in Remus's dream. "I'll be right back, love. I just got an owl from James that I have to talk to him about. I'm going to run to Godrics Hollow for a minute." He stopped as Remus pulled back, "What's wrong Moony?" 

"That's what happened in my dream," Remus began. "Only then I saw Albus, he told me you were a traitor, that you told Voldemort where James and Lily were. Then he told me you killed Peter." 

"It was me," Sirius said.

"What? What are you saying Sirius?" Remus said startled at his lover's outburst. 

"I'm saying I did tell Voldemort where James and Lily are. And I'm planning on killing Peter. After I kill you." Sirius finished as he pulled out his wand. 

"Sirius," 

"Avad-" 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

He jerked awake for what seemed like the second time. Looking around at the bed he shared with Sirius he began to cry. 

"What was I thinking?" he said aloud, as if Sirius could hear him. "I must have been crazy. That's it temporary insanity." 

But deep down he knew it wasn't. He knew he loved and would always love Sirius. Knowing that just about killed him every time he thought of it. 

His nightmares were getting worse; he had to stop them. 

"I can't live like this, without my Padfoot. I can't do this anymore." He said as he stood up, walking into the kitchen. "I can't live without my pack, without at the very least, my Sirius." 

He sat down at the table picking up a piece of parchment. 

__

Albus, 

I'm sorry you had to find me like this, I just couldn't take it anymore. I had another dream. They're getting worse. This time Sirius tried to kill me. I know it didn't happen, but it seemed so real. I have a confession to make Albus. Sirius and I were lovers before everything happened. I can't live knowing my mate is gone, never to return to me. I just can't. You didn't know it, but Siri, James and Peter became animagus for me. They were my pack. My entire pack is gone now Albus. Not just my one and only love, but my pack as well. I hope you can accept this, I know you can't understand it. 

Good bye Albus, I love you. 

Remus 

P.S. If Sirius ever does get out, Give him the letter enclosed will you? 

He then wrote a last letter to his Sirius. 

Siri my love,

I'm sure Albus has told you what I did by now. But I wanted to tell you why. Imagine yourself in my position. Your lover, taken from you, along with the rest of your pack. 

He stopped here gripped by a memory. A big shaggy black dog, an equally big beautiful auburn stag, and a small gray rat were poised at the edge of the woods looking out at a golden-gray wolf, perched up on the side of a cliff about 30 yards away, staring at the moon. The dog whimpers, asking permission to join him. The wolf howls giving him the permission he so desperately wanted. The dog walks up head down, submissive. They both then run into the woods, trailed by the stag with the rat perched between its antlers. The dog and wolf howl late into the night, professing their love with every howl. 

Remus shook off the memory, getting back to his letter. 

__

Every minute of my day is spent thinking about you, about Padfoot, and about the nights we would spend under the full moon. I once cherished these memories, before they were so painful. Don't think that! I know what you're thinking, that you did this to me. You didn't, Voldemort did. When he took away my pack, and you. Never forget that I loved you. Never, do you understand? 

He stopped again, releasing what he was doing; he was writing his eternal goodbye to his love. "I can't do this," he said quietly. 

"I won't do this, I'll live with the dreams and the memories if it means I'll se my love again." He stood up gathering the letters, stuffing them into a small box marked "S" 

~End Flashback~ 

He looked up at Sirius, "That's the story," he said, wiping his eyes. 

"I don't know what to say," Sirius began. 

"Don't say anything, Siri. Just don't ever leave me like that again." 

"I promise I won't ever leave you again, ever." Sirius walked over to his old dresser after he told Remus how he had escaped Azkaban, "Did you ever clean this out?" he asked. 

"No," Remus answered. "Why?" 

Sirius didn't answer right away; he rummaged through his old sock drawer. "Here it is," he said holding up a small jewelry box. He walked over to the bed Remus was sitting on, covers strewn across the room from them making love. As he walked he opened the box, kneeling next to the bed he handed Remus the box. 

"Remember the dinner I was going to take you to the night after James and Lily were killed?" 

Remus nodded unable to speak. 

"I was going to give you this, and ask you if you would be my husband." He paused as he and Remus wiped their eyes. "I love you. Will you marry me?" 

Remus looked down at him and smiled, still crying. "There is nothing in this world that would make me happier then to say that I am yours and that you are mine." 

They embraced as the light of the waxing moon filtered through the silk curtains around the bed. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Three weeks later Peter was captured and sent to Azkaban after he confessed that he was James and Lily Potter's Secret Keeper. That was the day Sirius Black was pardoned from the crimes he was accused of committing. The next day, the Daily Prophet ran a front-page story on "The Wedding of The Century". Sirius Black-Lupin and Remus Lupin-Black were too busy on their honeymoon to read it. Everyone else however, saved them a copy. 


End file.
